Welcome, lazy bastards!

This is The No Show, the website that gives you all the information you need so that you don't have to bother queuing to see that new film or buy that new CD or get into that art gallery exhibition (not the free bit because there's never any queues for that, only the expensive exhibitions they bring in every once in a while and that might be cool but, seriously, d'you want to pay £11.95 to see a bit of paper that was stuck to another bit if paper back in 1967?) or buy that latest hardback.

Ok, no-one does that except sad bastards who wait until midnight outside Waterstones with the wizard's hat their "dad" made for them so they can cram into the shop and pay above the odds (instead of going to Morrisons a day later and paying less than half price) and then stay up aaaaallllllll night reading so they can be one of the first several thousand sad bastards to finish reading a ridiculously popular book about a young wizard (whose author doesn't need any more promotion or money thank you very much), JUST IN CASE they happen to stumble across a spoiler on one of the endless fansites they trawl which in the end they end up posting anyway just to show how cool they think they are because they knew that Dumbledore died before anyone else did oh dear did I say that SPOILER ALERT!!! too late.

Anyway, here at The No Show, we make you this promise: we haven't seen, heard, read or... seen, I guess, any of the films, music, books or art that we review here. Which makes our opinion as valid as yours and frankly, we're much better at this sort of thing than you.

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE: we want you to contribute your own reviews. Because we love you and, more specifically, because we're lazy and have day jobs that keep us pretty busy most of the time. Feel free to add your reviews in the comments and if they're good enough, we'll post them up as well. If they're not, we'll probably taunt you. A bit.

Save your pennies in these depressing times and prepare yourself for some of the least informed reviews you've ever read.

PS: Dumbledore was totally gay too. Before he died and came back to haunt Harry Potter. That's right, Dumbledore was hot for the hairless Harry. There, I said it. Deal with it.