Wednesday, 29 October 2008

MUSIC REVIEW: "Safe Trip Home" by Dido Florian Cloud de Bounevialle O'Malley Armstrong

Album: Safe Trip Home
Artist: Dido Florian Cloud de Bounevialle O'Malley Armstrong
Released: November

Statistically speaking, everybody in the UK owns three albums by Florian Cloud de Bounevialle O'Malley Armstrong (yes, that is Dido's birth name). Which means no-one has to buy another Dido album until she's released a fourth. This is her third. Save your money.

If you're a spineless puddle of a person and just have to buy this, then consider this quote from The Observer in 2001: "To be called one thing and christened another is actually very confusing and annoying. It's one of the most irritating things that my parents did to me. ...Florian is a German man's name. That's just mean. To give your child a whole lot of odd names. They were all so embarrassing. ...I thought it was cruel to call me Dido and then expect me to just deal with it."

See? She's annoying. Why do you want to encourage her?

Also, consider this: Dido's music is pretty much shit. Sure, all the ingredients are there - instruments, melodies, harmonies, backing vocals, contemporary production, partial nudity, innuendo-laden lyrics ("Safe trip home" indeed - might as well have called the thing "Felching") - but it doesn't add up to a tasty treat. Stale, predictable, bad aftertaste. Like a sausage roll you regret buying when you have a hangover.

The CD cover has an astronaut in space. I'm hoping it's Dido, left to drift slowly in low orbit until gravity draws her into the atmosphere and she explodes in a blaze of fire.

"Dido" is the name of the mythical Queen of Carthage. In Virgil's Aeniad, she kills herself for love. Here's hoping this Dido follows in her footsteps.

I don't really like Dido much. And I have a headache. So I'm probably not the best person to review Dido's new album. Oh well.

Shatner Rating: Quincy cameo
Worth a listen? No (though you're going to hear it anyway and mey end up owning a copy of the CD - it's like a law or something).


Anonymous said...

Oh, please!! You are shit!! You would kill to have her talent, you fucking piece of shit!!!

The No Show said...

Apparently, the Anonymous Dido Fan Club disagrees with our assessment.