Tuesday, 21 October 2008

London Film Festival Special:

UK Release:
23 October (London Film Festival)

Bees. Filthy beggars. Disgusting. With their degrading little secret lives, drifting from flower to flower, getting sprayed all over with pollen, rolling around in it, then traipsing back to the hive and dragging it in with them like it was nothing.

And then there's the Queen bee, whoring around with lover after lover, spreading little bee bastards wherever she decides to whore around next, her tacky little hairs glazed under the weight of sticky honey as it drips from each and every honeycomb. Right in front of her children! And with her children! Incest and sticky mess and pollen and indiscriminate sex between who and whatever happens to be available... it's shocking. Simply shocking.

The Secret Life of Bees no doubt takes all of this lasciviousness in its stride, bring full frontal hardcore bee pron to the big screen for all to see. IT SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED! Especially in our cinemas, those bastions of common decency and civility.

Whatever you do, do not go to the cinema to encourage this worst kind of lowest common denominator film-making. It's indecent. It's degrading. And it's cheaper to wait until it comes out on DVD and you can watch it in the privacy of your own basement, wearing that extra fuzzy felt bee suit you had made special. You know, the one with the extra long stinger? You look good in that. Oh yes you do.

Shatner rating: Quincy Cameo
Must See? No
(unless that kind of thing gets your rocks off in which case, y'know go for it but keep it to yourself unless you can send me a copy in the post... shhhh don't tell anyone okthxbye)

Photo by Ragesoss, licensed under the terms of the GNU Free Documentation License

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