FILM REVIEW: Ghost Town

UK Release: 24 October
Starring David Brent, David Duchnovny's ex-wife and Greg "David" Kinnear

It's The Others meets the Extras. It's The Sixth Sense meets The Office. It's Poltergeist meets that really genuinely god-awful, nadir of Simpsons episodes that David Brent wrote without Stephen Merchant.

In Ghost Town, directed by the executive producer of Curb Your Enthusiasm, portly funnyman David Brent plays a dentist who sees dead people and has to help them overcome their problems. One of the dead people is ex-chat show host and current holder of the Guiness World Record for "having the most charisma in the world ever", Greg Kinnear.

Greg wants Dentist David to stop his widow, played by the woman who now puts the Ex in X-Files, Tea (pronounced T-E-ARGGHHH - Not tea, as in "I could do with a cup of...") Leoni from marrying someone else. Brent attempts to do this with his usual battery of inappropriate remarks and hopefully, that funny dance he did.

David Brent is quoted as saying: "I turned down a load of parts in Hollywood films until this because it had the best script."

Did he mean the "best" in terms of "neatest hand-writing"? Or most notes saying, "We love The Office, even though Extras kinda spoiled it by not being very good and the American Office is actually funnier and has been running for about 500 episodes"? Because in terms of laughs per minute... well, if it was a 15-second commercial, it'd be up there with Airplane. But at 102 minutes, there is always the possibility that it may be 101 minutes and about 45 seconds too long.

And for the record, is there a law that says Greg Kinnear has to be every film ever? Or is Greg Kinnear actually like god? Perhaps he's omnipresent and therefore he can't help being in everything. Beware, next time you go to the laundrette or feel the need for some quiet self-love, Greg Kinnear may be there. Silently, tearfully, charismatically watching. In much the same way you'll watch Ghost Town - tearfully, silently, charismatically.


Shatner scale: Miss Congeniality
Must see: Maybe

Book Review: CLIFFHANGER by TJ Middleton

Published by : Picador
Released: October

Don't call a book "Cliffhanger" because everyone knows what will happen. It's either set on a cliff, it's a very very delayed tie-in novel for the fabulous Sylvester Stallone mountain heist cinematic diamond or it has a suspenseful twist. Like Bruce Willis being dead in The Sixth Sense, or Kevin Spacey being Keyser Soze or Aliens being killed by water in Signs or the trees happening in The Happening. Or indeed all M Night Shyamalan films. SPOILER ALERT! Sorry, too late again. (Oddly all his films are like masturbating when very very drunk. You know that eventually something may happen at the very end but it's not worth the effort and you feel cheap and guilty afterwards.)

TJ is obviously going for the 'we-like-authors-with-initials' crowd. A crowd that served JK Rowling, TS Eliot and SP Parker so well. And made JRR Tolkien the UK's favourite all time author everrrr. With his Shatner-tinged initials (TJ Hooker - great show) and nod to Sylvester Stallone, Mr Middleton has crafted a thriller that may not win the Booker Prize but it could be the most riveting and nailbiting piece of fiction this month. Stick that on your book jacket, TJ. I know I will. Because I write my quotes on book jackets.

Shatner rating: Hooker (obviously)
Must read: Yes!