Showing posts with label Megan Fox. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Megan Fox. Show all posts

Monday, 1 December 2008

ALBUM REVIEW: Intuition by Jamie Foxx

UK Release date: 16 December


Is there nothing this man can’t do?

He can act (Ray).
He can sing (Ray).
He can play the piano (Ray).
He can pretend to be blind (Ray).
He can sing, act, play the piano
and pretend to be blind at the same time (Ray).
He can do comedy (Ray and his feebly titled DVD, I Might Need Security – because, y'know, he’s not crazy or dangerous or popular enough to really need security right now, but he might, eventually or at some point in the future, get crazy or dangerous or popular enough to need it. But not right now.*)
He can misspell Fox (Foxx).
He can drive (Ray).

Sadly, Foxx has been so busy recently with films (Ray) and his world famous cat sanctuary and salad dressing emporium that he’s had to put his burgeoning music career on the backburner.

Butnow, thank Jehovah, Buddha and Allah, he’s back with Intuition.

There can be no doubt that is a smooth selection of party jams, smooth soul grooves, jazz-lite confections and slick RnB – all powered by Foxx’s Oscar-winning talent, bravado and star presence and general Oscar-worthiness. Did we mention he won an Oscar? For Ray? Which is a film he made?

We expect Foxx to get Foxxy on tracks with creative and endlessly ambiguous titles like Lick You All Over (Touch My Nut Sack), Courvoisier, Champagne and Tang, and our favourite, Ain’t Nobody (Humpin’ Mo').

And he’s really gonna get the party started with jams such as Get This Muh'Fuh Party Started Right (extended Muh'Fuh mix), Get Up and Dance (Blind Muh'Fuh mix), Get On the Muh'Fuh Floor and Do It Muh'Fuh Style, and the now legendary Shake That Muh'Fuh Ass Muh'Fuh (or I’ll do another bad remake of an overrated TV show. Fuck Miami Vice – maybe this time I’ll remake MacGyver, Murder, She Wrote or Brideshead Revisited or Babylon 5, bitch).

So, if you like comedians who become actors who become musical actors who become musicians who starred in Dreamgirls who then go back to making movies then we suggest you buy anything by Eddie Murphy.

Shatner Scale: Denny Muh'Fuh Crane.
Must see: Maybe. Because the man is blind and drove a car on film (Ray) and that's gotta count for something.

(What do you mean...? He's NOT? Seriously? Wow. He should get an Oscar for that... He did? Well OK then.)

* NO SHOW DISCLAIMER: That bit about I Might Need Security should not be construed as an actual No Show review because I’ve seen it so I can’t review it. But trust me, he does not now, nor will he ever need security. And it’s shite.

Wednesday, 19 November 2008

GUEST FILM REVIEW: Twilight
(reviewed by Hawkblades,
12 years old but totally turning 13 in 9 months)

Release date: OMG!! totally really soon. this is gonig ot be teh COOLEST thing like evah!!!!!
Starring: some of like teh COOLEST AND HOTTEST AND SEXY actors and LOL. BEST. MOVIE. EVAR.

i totally look like him ZOMG!!!!
This is teh cool I am so stoked about twilight because me and Brad and Donna G. and Donna P. and Max and that butthole Carl are going to the 6am showing because that is like Twilight that is so rad because we will be watching Twilight at Twilight.

Donna P. says I look like Edward Cullen, he's liek teh cool vampire guy and he's totally emo and Bella Swan liek totally loves him in the movie but they can't be together because she is human and he is a total vampire. And that's like me and Donna P. Her dad thinks I'm a butthole and he won't let me see her and I'm all like screw you old man, I love Donna P. and she's all like I'm so hot for me and she's a totally Megan Fox so like Twlight is liek that Scottish guy who wrote that movie Romeo + Juliet, which was way cool when Leo D. and Claire D all had guns and were liek fighting and then kissed in the gas statuion and there was really cool music and the book, which we had to read at school was liek so crazy. So if you don't see tWILight, you are not a cool geek like Jared Leto but liek those guys in that commercial who are like total geeks. Twlight is best, there are vampires and fighting and hotness and the vampires are totally awesome and it's like my life. No really, Donna P. said we like have to see it because its totally about us.
ZOMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shatner Scale: Whatevs. FAIL.
Must See: HEELLLLLLLSYEAHHHHH!!!!! OMGZ!!!!!!!!!